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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Really Bad Jokes (14 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: What did the chef do after the spice eating contest?
A: He went to the bathroom to pass the thyme.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
TomKMagic
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I tripped over
613 Posts

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Q: Why did Thomas Edison have a bed made of bulbs?
A: He was a light sleeper.
You must be smarter than the tools you are using...

Tom Kracker
My website
gabelson
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conscientious observer
2085 Posts

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A skeleton walks into a bar. He says, "Give me a beer and a mop."
imgic
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Moved to Seattle to see
1186 Posts

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A horse walks into a bar, and the bartender says, "Hey, why the long face?"
"Imagination is more important than knowledge."
Russ Martin
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Omaha, Nebraska
76 Posts

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(I use this in a routine where I put a deck in a paper bag and stab the chosen card with a knife.)

Q: What's brown and wrinkled and lives in a church tower?

A: The lunchbag of Notre Dame.
I feel more like I do now than I did before.
The Hermit
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298 Posts

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A dyslexic walks into a bra
wulfiesmith
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Beverley, UK
1139 Posts

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A little boy was walking along the street, dragging a suitcase.
A bystander asks: "where are you going?"
"I am leaving home", replies the boy.
"Why?" asks the bystander.
My daddy has been away from home for 1 year, and my mommy has just had a baby girl.
"So, why are YOU leaving home?"
"I get blamed for everything" replies the boy.
galerius
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Piemontese Alps ( Northwestern Italy )
240 Posts

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Why the giraffe has a so long neck ?
By necessity, having the head located up there !
Burnok
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2 Posts

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What's Red and smells like Blue Paint?

...Red Paint.
ed rhodes
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Rhode Island
2750 Posts

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I hope this hasn't been posted, my apologies if it has;


The past, the present and the future all walk into a bar...

it was very tense!
"There's no time to lose," I heard her say.
"Catch your dreams before they slip away."
"Dying all the time, lose your dreams and you could lose your mind.
Ain't life unkind?"
galerius
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Piemontese Alps ( Northwestern Italy )
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1
Mr. A wakes at night, and wanting to know what time it is ( for the joke's purpose, in the flat there are no watches, clocks, computers, cells, tv sets, nothing ), takes the fiddle and starts to play it. Almost immediately, a riled up neighbour knocks on the wall, yelling :
"Have you gone crazy ? Playing the fiddle at 3.00 am !"
"Aw, thank you Sir, I just wanted to know what time it was"

2.
Mr. B in same situation. Same idea, fiddle playing etc.
"Have you gone crazy ? Playing the fiddle at this time of night !"
So, his curiosity remains unsatisfied.

3
Mr. C in same situation. Same idea, fiddle playing etc.
"Have you gone crazy ? Playing the fiddle at this time of night !"
Knowing of Mr. B's inconvenience, he cleverly replies :
"Why, what time is it ?"
"It's 3.00 am, you fool !"
"Aw, thank you Sir, thank you so much"

4
Mr. D in same situation. Same idea, fiddle playing etc.
"Have you gone crazy ? Playing the fiddle at this time of night !"
"Why, what time is it ?"
"Ha ! Do you really want know what time it is ? Then I'll tell you : it's time to stop it !"
1KJ
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Warning: We will run out of new tricks in
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Amos and Andy are walking down the street.
Amos turns to Andy and says: "What is that smell? Did you poop your pants?"
"No, I didn't" said Andy. They walk some more and the smell is still there.
Amos turns to Andy and says: "Are you sure you didn't poop your pants?"
"I'm sure." said Andy. They walk some more and the smell is still not gone.
"Andy, drop your pants!" Andy drops his pants.
Amos says: "Andy, You pooped your pants! I thought you said you didn't poop your pants!"
Andy: "Amos, I thought you meant today."
B_man2012
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Republic of Croatia
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What's red and goes up and down?
-
-
-
-
A tomato in an elevator. Smile
~ The Croatian Mentalist ~

>PM me if you need help with anything graphic design related!
NYCTwister
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Why didn't the cow cross the road?


Because he was no chicken.
If you need fear to enforce your beliefs, then your beliefs are worthless.
wulfiesmith
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Beverley, UK
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A penguin walks into a bar ...
Penguin: I was supposed to meet my brother here half-an-hour ago, but I'm late ... have you seen him?
Bar tender: I don't know, what does he look like?
George Ledo
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Magic Café Columnist
SF Bay Area
2895 Posts

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A priest, a minister, and a rabbit walk into a bar. The bartender takes the priest's and minister's orders, then turns to the rabbit.

Bartender: "What would you like?"

Rabbit: "I dunno, I'm just here because of spellcheck."
That's our departed buddy Burt, aka The Great Burtini, doing his famous Cups and Mice routine
www.georgefledo.net

Latest column: "Sorry about the photos in my posts here"
Pop Haydn
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Los Angeles
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"How do you prepare the chicken?"
Waiter: "First we explain as gently as possible that she is not going to make it..."
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Not very magical, still... » » Really Bad Jokes (14 Likes)
 Go to page [Previous]  1~2~3..7..11..15..19~20~21
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