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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Penny for your thoughts » » New website - need your help (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

nimrod
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883 Posts

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Hi Guys,

I'm about to launch my new website in a few days and I could really use your feedback.
And if you find any spelling (or any other) mistake please let me know.

http://www.nimrodharel.com/new

Thanks,

Nimrod , Israel
Sicnatius
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Connecticut
396 Posts

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Wow, I am impressed!

Since I'm not a native English speaker I didn't check for typos.

On my 7" Asus tablet the site works well and is looking really good. Very professional!

Regards

Sic
John C
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I THINK therefore I wrote
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Beautiful. Not so tablet friendly. Maybe it's my browser.
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Scott Soloff
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Dude,

Looks great!!!

Best wishes,


Scott
'Curiouser and curiouser."
C_Biskit
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82 Posts

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Page 1 About> "Nimrod Harel is a Perception Artist of the rarest caliber." rarest seems out of place to me here. Do you mean to say 'highest' or are you trying to get across that your show is unique or that you are the best at what you do?

page 4 Live shows> you have "phenomenas" it should just be 'phenomena' because that is the plural, no 's'.

page 5 corporate events> "in a way that they will be indelibly printed on the minds of both clients and employees."
I believe it should be 'in the minds' not "on the minds". sounds weird to me.

But other than those grammatical errors I really like the site!

Feedback I have, your site is pretty easy to navigate but did you think of putting your contact information like number and email on top banner? (I know you have a page for it but I really think it should be posted on the main page) Not saying that people are stupid, but, some people aren't too tech savvy and it's free advertisement =D and then you could turn you contact me into like "book me" or "have a question for me? email me here"

Also, your videos page. Your whole site seems very well thought out but the videos page seems so simple compared to everything else. An idea I had would be to do like; no names above the videos, have the videos close together and you could even have then repeating. OR to follow suit with your website you could have them on a wheel that goes horizontally and you click through them like you click through your site but on a smaller scale.

Hope this helps, this is a really cool website I like it a lot =]

Have a great day,
Andy
C_Biskit
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United States
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Also I hope the address on your contacts is a business one and not personal, I think it would be a mistake to put your personal address. (I don't know how the mail system works over there in Israel though so excuse me if this is a stupid comment, haha.)

Andy
Vlad Grigorescu
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Romania, Bucharest
95 Posts

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One of the best mentalist/magician websites I've seen. Looks very good, simple and professional.

Good luck!
insight
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Your website is a thing of beauty. Well done!

Regards,
Mike
landmark
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Very nice.

Live Show: "It's an Mentalism show..." Should read: "It's a Mentalism show..."
Ray Bertrand
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Ottawa, Ontario
1422 Posts

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Very nice website.

Ray
Mentalism in Ontario.
nimrod
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Thanks for the great feedback, you are being so helpful.
saysold1
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That showreel kicks ***. Nice.

I like the site overall - nice look. Works well on my iPhone.
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bevbevvybev
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Hey nimrod, always huge respect for people doing mentalism in anything other than their native language - site looks great too
C.J.
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Quote:
On 2014-01-03 14:55, C_Biskit wrote:
page 5 corporate events> "in a way that they will be indelibly printed on the minds of both clients and employees."
I believe it should be 'in the minds' not "on the minds". sounds weird to me.


Respectfully, no. The English phrase is "to print on", therefore the original sentence is correct. The phrase is unambiguous, and does not need to be changed.
Connor Jacobs - The Thought Sculptor
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
Be fondly remembered.
C_Biskit
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Quote:
On 2014-01-04 03:52, C.J. wrote:
Quote:
On 2014-01-03 14:55, C_Biskit wrote:
page 5 corporate events> "in a way that they will be indelibly printed on the minds of both clients and employees."
I believe it should be 'in the minds' not "on the minds". sounds weird to me.


Respectfully, no. The English phrase is "to print on", therefore the original sentence is correct. The phrase is unambiguous, and does not need to be changed.


Respectfully, yes. "To print on" paper yes, or "to print on" the table I agree that a surface on which something is printed on that on is the correct usage. To print on the mind though doesn't make sense (unless you're tattooing someone's brain). "printed in" someone's mind though means that the idea is 'in'side their mind, not 'on'top of their mind.

I agree, however, that it isn't a big deal because it is one word on a web site, and I doubt anyone looking to hire him is going to even notice that at all. A very minute detail indeed.
C.J.
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I love proofing, but don't get much time to do it professionally any more. Here's my recommendations for your site.



Front Page:
- This is an odd one, because it is dependent on the stylised pull-quote box, BUT... remove the quote mark at the end of You think you've seen it all?... Think again". The reason is that the graphical opening quote mark lies behind the text and implies the whole of the text is a quote. Adding the closing quote in-line with the text is ambiguous and redundant, and therefore looks like an error.


About Nimrod:
- "Rarest caliber" is an ambiguous phrase, as another user has already pointed out. "High caliber" is an accepted English phrase, but "rare caliber" is not. Consider replacing "caliber" with "quality".

- The second paragraph is a fragment, and would read better as: "As the creator and host of five worldwide Mentalism TV shows, he is renowned as an international master and one of the leading exponents in this unique field."

- The third paragraph could be clearer. Consider: "In his shows, Nimrod presents an incredible range of astonishing phenomena related to the mind and body, exploring the connection between them and then probing beyond their realm." If you choose to keep the original wording, I strongly recommend adding a comma after the word "shows" in order to show the clause structure clearly.


Techniques:
- Need to correct the last sentence of the first paragraph - "...perception, and of the ways to manipulate...". Without this change, the implication of the sentence is that you have "a deep understanding of being able to mess with perception", which doesn't quite make sense.

- In the second paragraph, replace "that" with "which" - "Nimrod closely guards the secrets of his specific techniques, which he has developed..."

- Then, substitute the full stop for a semi-colon or a dash, as the second sentence flows-on and is somewhat dependent on the previous sentence for context. "...years of study and training - techniques that leave..."

- And finally, I recommend hyphenating awe-stricken.


Live shows:
- This page is okay, but for clarity, I'd recommend re-wording the opening to "Nimrod's live show is suitable for audiences of any size, from small to extremely large – up to 5,000 people. Audiences participate in an evening of astonishing phenomena, and experience firsthand..." The key changes being a re-wording of the first sentence, joining the second sentence, and replacing "phenomenas" with "phenomena".

- Also, check the capital letters in the last line on this page. You should only really have "You" and the second "Think" with capitals - any more looks like a mistake.


Corporate events:
- I see no significant problems here. You probably need to remove the "Corporate shows" line at the start of the text, as it is redundant sitting directly underneath the "CORPORATE EVENTS" page title.

- The introductory sentence is a little awkward, but sits fine by my high standards.

- The link to "Master of Ceremonies" is a bit hard to spot, and I missed it on my first tour through your site.


Master of Ceremonies:
- Hyphenate "Nimrod tailor-makes astonishing visual effects..."

- It is also possibly worth being a bit clearer what you mean by "astonishing visual effects" - I assume you mean projected graphics, rather than mentalism effects, but I can't be certain from what is written.



Visually, it is a nice site, and with the exception of the M.C. part, very clear and easy to navigate. Did you design it yourself? If so, I would be interested in hiring you in the next couple of months to overhaul my site! Smile
Connor Jacobs - The Thought Sculptor
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
Be fondly remembered.
C.J.
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Quote:
On 2014-01-04 04:20, C_Biskit wrote:
I agree, however, that it isn't a big deal because it is one word on a web site, and I doubt anyone looking to hire him is going to even notice that at all. A very minute detail indeed.


When writing for professional purposes, every detail is significant. Any error is unacceptable, and to claim that your readers won't notice is to demonstrate a horrifically unprofessional view of your potential clients.

(And yes, it is "a horrifically", not "an horrifically" Smile - the use of "an" is determined by whether the following phoneme is a vowel or consonant sound (incidentally, NOT whether it's followed by a vowel or consonant letter as almost all of us were taught at school). Thus, an honourable man and an honest mistake, but a horse and a hippopotamus! It's a crazy language!!)

But I digress. As to printed on/printed in, I like your logic, but I am unconvinced. In cases like these, it is better to re-word the whole sentence to avoid readers doing what we are now doing. Perhaps Nimrod would be more comfortable with "indelibly imprinted on the minds"? Or how about "unshakably anchored in the minds"? Or the dramatically less poetic "deeply rooted in the minds"?
Connor Jacobs - The Thought Sculptor
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
Be fondly remembered.
C.J.
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There's a lotta rambling in my
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Quote:
On 2014-01-04 04:46, C.J. wrote:
Here's my recommendations for your site.


Of course, I mean "here are my recommendations"! Smile Whoops!
Connor Jacobs - The Thought Sculptor
Mundus vult decipi, ergo decipiatur
Be fondly remembered.
nimrod
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883 Posts

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Quote:
On 2014-01-04 04:46, C.J. wrote:

Visually, it is a nice site, and with the exception of the M.C. part, very clear and easy to navigate. Did you design it yourself? If so, I would be interested in hiring you in the next couple of months to overhaul my site! Smile


It was designed by http://orenfait.com/ . He specializes in branding and concept design and considered to be one of the best in Israel.
It's so difficult to make our art visual (unlike magic) and I think he did a marvelous job here.
Thank you for your comments.

Nimrod , Israel
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