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tpratt38
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Okay fellow mentalists. I am hoping for sincere answers here. I don't think Theresa Caputo is authentic, I think she gives people closure, and people are willing to pay $100-$2500 or more to hear their loved ones are at peace, or forgiven etc.

My wife saw an episode of the long island medium and wants to get a reading from her about her father who passed 3.5 years ago.

I told her she was not authentic and used scripted patterns to cold read people, but if it made her feel better or recieve a message potentially form her father I would support that.

I can't prove who can or can't talk to the spirit world. How would you all approach this.

Especially from Bob Cassidy I think you debunked mediums for awhile didn't you Bob?

Any one with sincere input would be a great help. Thanks

Tim
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She's not real, but her show is very entertaining. Smile
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tpratt38
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I do know she is not real but to tell someone who wants a reading from a loved one who has passed, is very challenging. They will not like you to poo poo on their fantasy or wishes.

A fine line. I think the people who get readings from her come away with a since relief and relaxation.

Thoughts?
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I think:
death affects everyone differently
there is a chance of relying too much on repeat visits
people tend to think closure on a close loss means you have to forget about that person when it doesn't

i also think:
the person needs to remember that they can tap into that person in memory, using their life's experiences with that passed person...
that if they have enough life experience with that passed person, they can "contact" them, anytime they need to, even asking them questions and getting an answer that they genuinely know would be the kind of response that person would give if they were alive right now
so all those things are available to people who have lost someone in their life if they want it - thousands upon thousands of incidents, experiences, moments shared between them and the deceased...and with a tiny bit of imagination can use that to keep positive memories alive, answer questions, feel connected with them when they miss them
she can ask her dad whatever she likes, as long as she is honest with how he would reply to her, based on many years of experiences together

i would also say:
gently suggest a bereavement counselor if she's having troubles
writing out her feelings in letter format
doing something positive in his memory, planting a tree that kinda thing - something relevant to the man he was would be most appropriate

if she still wants to:
go with her and hold her hand
you can still state your opinion before hand
and before you go make a promise with her that if he talks in vague/general terms, and if you can record it on your phone too, that she in turn promises you that she'll maybe speak to someone professionally

that's what I'd do anyways..
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I never debunked any psychics or mediums. And they, in turn, have never debunked me. Smile

Personally, I think Theresa is annoying. Somehow, a Long Island accent doesn't give me a sense of authenticity.
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Also, that she carries him everywhere she goes, in her blood and her DNA...he is forever part of her, and alive in a way...
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tpratt38
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It is a great help Iain to here your input.

I am of the same opinion. I will remind her for a recording if she follows through with this.

I think any reader CAN give a better outcome to the sitter, if it is positive. She is not distraught or dealing with this in a bad way. She is curious and hopeful, and has a question to ask to validate if it truly her father.

I know hat we have to support our loved ones in their desires and at the same time give them our input with out making fun or ridiculing them.

Thanks again for your reply.
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All you can do is state your worries and problems with the experience, yet at the same time, I guess if she's adamant to go - better that you go with her, than make it into a dirty secret... at least that way you can both discuss it openly afterwards...i guess saying "look, you know how much I love you - my fear is that this might get addictive and become something negative in the long term..." - and make a pact together...

sounds like she's going through a "missing him" phase - I'd just be inclined to do something gentle and kind regardless and sponsor some trees being planted somewhere local, or something like that...just to say "look, I get it - here's something positive we can do together"... that's what I'd do at least...

if he was a dog lover, go sponsor some dogs, that kinda thing...hope it goes well whatever happens!
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tpratt38
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Thank IAIN great input. Sorry for wrong infor Bob I was wrong. I know you would have good advice.

I will go with her and support her.

What feeling can entertainment readers hope to give sitters in your opinion IAIN.

I feel a reader can give a positive outcome to sitters if we have their best interest and give them a positive outlook on there potential and future.
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The first bit I wrote was something I actually explained in a way in a booklet of mine - and came from the idea that give enough readings (in whatever format and way) and death will come up, as will disease and fear and worry...so you need to be able to handle it...

i make it clear right from the start what I won't do, but at the same time, I can help them make contact with professionals in certain spheres (i keep a list of emails and numbers on my phone in a text message that they can have)...and if they continue, I just politely draw it to an end and generally be polite/nice...

so I have no urge to heal/help in that sense to be honest...i am there to entertain and offer something unique and interesting, and of course - we both share elements of ourselves as we go along - but I am more about them looking at their own emotional viewpoint and current 'reality' as it were...i don't want to tell the future, as the present is far more important...but people tend to focus on the past or the future...

so I don't see it as giving people 'hope' - that's a very grand thing, and quite a responsibility, its (as I've said elsewhere) more about exploring a story together...that's the best way I can explain it...
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Bill Cushman
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The Long Island Medium is purporting to contact the dead, which to me is an entirely different kettle of fish than giving readings. The only time I've seen it done that I didn't feel it potentially harmful was when performed by Millard Longman and framed as an experience of the imagination, much like Iain's readings as described in his most recent release Metaphoracle.

While of course I believe in supporting loved ones, I don't think this is a good idea. There is something I find rather crass and condescending about this TV medium and it is more than just her accent. I like Iain's thoughts on what your wife could do to connect with her memories of her father much better.
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I hate this type of cold reading. I hate it. I get the willies. I get angry about it. But that's all my own opinion. I struggle with the fact that many of these folks appear to leave the reading with a sense of relief and closure, and it gives them hope.

I also believe it is people taking advantage of people in a very suggestible and vulnerable state of mind, and I think it crosses the ethical boundaries to the far extreme. So is it okay to violate ethics (understanding my def may be different from hers) to make someone feel better? Would it not be better and more healthy in the long run for one to learn to deal with the stages of grief, the meaning of relationships and life, etc. through a gradual process than relying on a supposed authority figure for a one-time conversation? This is where I struggle here. I studied cold reading a good bit a few years back just for knowledge and fun, and I just don't think I could look myself in the mirror if I conducted such a reading with someone.

Really appreciated Iain's comments too.
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What sort of closure is your wife looking for? Does she want to know that her dad is in Heaven? I wonder what she believes about the afterlife and what she hopes to hear. This may not be the place to discuss such personal questions but I'd like to put in my two cents.

What would your wife rather believe: a lie that makes her happy or the truth that might make her unhappy?

A medium almost always tells people what they want to hear. Recently I heard a professing medium talk with a woman as if he had secret insight into the afterlife of her relative (his cold read didn't need to be strong; she was willing to tell him everything). I've seen enough of this guy and his work to know he doesn't talk with the dead and he also knows that he doesn't. He really is a clever trickster; other fakes who are privy to his work admire his creativity. I don't doubt it makes him feel good to make his sitters feel good, but he doesn't consider that any harm could come from his lying. Frankly I think he's too selfish to think much of those things. He's validating a belief system he knows is false under the guise of being a comforter.

He says, "it gives people closure". It also gives him money, respect, satisfaction, and probably at least a hint of a superior feeling. He deserves NONE of those things. I don't care if he says he "means well" because I'm convinced the end result is harm and confusion. He needs so badly to be respected, I guess, so he fakes his powers.

Know the story of the rich man and Lazarus? Had the rich man's sons consulted a medium, she would have told them, "your father is doing well and is happily waiting for you in Heaven." Had they seen their father for themselves they would have received a very different message. But I don't know if you believe in the claims behind that story or the One who told it. What said you do believe is that Theresa is a fraud. I agree.

Mediums don't just waste time and money, but they also divert people from seeking important answers about life and what happens after death. Those who seek, find. Those who don't, don't.

I wouldn't support anyone I believe is leading people to dry wells. I am certain of a better way.
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tpratt38
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I want to thank everyone for all th input and great advice. I will have my wife read this thread and see what she thinks.

I feel she wants to fulfill a fantasy of maybe we can contact the spirits. She has some test questions she wants to ask. She really wants see if the medium is real or fake.

Many people just want to know is it possible. What if dreams could come true kinda fantasy. My wife is smart and educated but I think she wants to see for her self in person. When you love someone, at times you must support them even if it is something you don't believe. She will know it is not likely to be real, and she will make her own judgement. She knows I have her best interest in mind, but you can't shatter a fantasy. She won't be visiting a medium every week and spending thousands of dollars and not have money to pay bills. I was never trying to compare this to entertainment readings.

I welcome any other comments this should help her make the best decision.
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Basically, I think she's asking/thinking about the same thing we all think about when someone dies..

"did they suffer?"
"could I have done more?"
"i regret not saying XYZ to them"

there's lots of science to explain how the body acts whilst dying, philosophically, we can all technically do "more" on a daily basis...but the real question is "i feel guilty that I could have perhaps DONE more" - and the answer is normally "no, you did what you felt was right at the time, and gave as much of yourself as life could allow" - followed by "this person knew you loved them, and you know that they loved you - that's the best memory to keep"...

and writing a little letter can help them process their thoughts, get it out of their system and feel more at peace within themselves...personally, I don't think they need someone on stage waving vaguely at their chest and abdomen, nor tell you about a door frame, a box of photos or an incident involving water...vague, general comments from someone you have known all your life? no. They'd call you by your pet name, they'd know what your favourite toy was called, and when you turned 13, 18, 21 and so on...and when you first got your heart broken...and so on...

so in part, they want a unconnected party to recognise/celebrate that person being alive and now dead, and to tell them what they want to hear, that they are ok, things are fine, and the alive person did fine and will be fine...

the thing is, those spirits never say "don't bother with a medium for contact, I'll pop round later" - not to make light of it all, but logic should dictate certain behaviour...or are they saying people's personalities change when they are "in spirit" - if so, why?

at the end of the day, if the only way you can get her to see a bereavement therapist is to do the deal/make the promise - then its hopefully worth it...

and if she's reading this - I'll say this:
"i'm sorry you've lost your dad, please remember all the good times and experiences and love, they will never change, they are always with you - and that he's still there within you, in your DNA, in your blood, he runs through your heart on a daily basis...he's there in memories and thoughts and deeds...and if you think about it, I'm sure you can hear him give you good solid honest and loving advice, to not bother with the person on stage, telling you vague stuff you don't wanna hear...that he knows you gave all your love, that you tried your best and the best thing you can ever do on your father's behalf is give yourself permission to grieve fully if needs be, to speak to a pro if it'll help - and to go live your life in a happy, positive and healthy way as best you can..."
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I'm not clear why any of us would presume to know what is best for tpatt38's wife, or even what to say to her. All any of us can offer is our opinion of Caputo and whether we agree or not.

Every person has to decide for themselves what is best, and I'm speaking from personal experience. If she wants to visit then it may be best for her to have the experience to decide for herself if that is what she was seeking. Not one of us can be told by another what is best for us.

No offense meant to anyone, for me when someone is suffering we can only prevent them from hurting themselves but sometimes we cannot prevent them from trying something they believe will help, even if we know it won't. Our greatest lessons come from our own personal mistakes.

For the record I can't stand Caputo and what she represents but I don't oppose her right to do it if it doesn't hurt anyone.

Just my thoughts, Solarzar
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Quote:
On Apr 27, 2014, solarzar wrote:
I'm not clear why any of us would presume to know what is best for tpatt38's wife, or even what to say to her. All any of us can offer is our opinion of Caputo and whether we agree or not.

Every person has to decide for themselves what is best, and I'm speaking from personal experience. If she wants to visit then it may be best for her to have the experience to decide for herself if that is what she was seeking. Not one of us can be told by another what is best for us.

No offense meant to anyone, for me when someone is suffering we can only prevent them from hurting themselves but sometimes we cannot prevent them from trying something they believe will help, even if we know it won't. Our greatest lessons come from our own personal mistakes.

For the record I can't stand Caputo and what she represents but I don't oppose her right to do it if it doesn't hurt anyone.

Just my thoughts, Solarzar


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Quote:
On Apr 27, 2014, solarzar wrote:
I'm not clear why any of us would presume to know what is best for tpatt38's wife, or even what to say to her. All any of us can offer is our opinion of Caputo and whether we agree or not.

Every person has to decide for themselves what is best, and I'm speaking from personal experience. If she wants to visit then it may be best for her to have the experience to decide for herself if that is what she was seeking. Not one of us can be told by another what is best for us.


i think, basically, that is what has been said... and the OP did specifically ask for our own personal opinion on the subject...
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I have met a close relative of Ms. Caputo, and he, at least, is convinced that she really does talk to dead people.

I personally find her reading style to be rather transparent, and I find it surprising that so many people take her seriously. On the other hand, I'm not convinced that she KNOWS she is a fake. I think it's at least possible that she believes her own spiel.

I think her show is very entertaining. I didn't expect that. I like her, and I'm totally surprised by that.
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