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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » Looking out for our own » » Depression: I'm in a bad place (44 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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Devious
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Keep hangin' in there Critter-Done!
YOu can clearly see how many folks love ya' guy.


@Laurie, thank you, thank you, thank you.
Although meant for Critter Done, this is going
to help me in so many ways my dear..thanks for
your female insight. {{{Hugs}}}

Quote:
On May 16, 2014, magicalaurie wrote:
One thing at a time right now, maybe, critter? Guys aren't always geared to multitasking. Women tend to have an inclination for it. See a doctor if you think you need to- you know what you need. Gotta eat. Gotta sleep. Get the data. Keep on with the job search. Something I'll tell ya about a girl, and I think this would be true of your fiancee- a girl WANTS to help. She considers the fact that you let her in on things to be a COMPLIMENT- she doesn't see it as blame or a burden-she's not a guy!!! She already knows you're not perfect. Smile Smile Keep that in mind- guys and girls are different like that- just don't take advantage. Be thankful, appreciative, and she won't hold it against ya the way a guy might. Share a piece of her load once in awhile. Let her share her concerns with you, and just listen, she needs to talk, too. Don't see her concerns as an expectation that YOU have to fix them. She's sharing them because she needs to, and she TRUSTS you to hear them. She'll feel better just knowing she can share her concerns with you, too. You can get through TOGETHER. Perhaps unsolicited advice on my part, so maybe just run it by her and see if she agrees or tells magicalaurie to shutup. Smile All the very best, critter.
Devious Deceptions
"Gadol Elohai!"
L'Chaim!
Chrystal
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Hi Critter,

I'm sorry you are going through this and as all the others posted you will find love and support here.

I agree with Laurie you should share your feelings with your girl as you have to ask yourself, "If she were going through tough times would you want her to tell you?" She loves you and would want to be there for you and you both are in this together as future life partners.

Sometimes things get so overwhelming that we are unable to see the big picture - I think Mary was right - break up the huge task into smaller ones and tackle those. The large load you are carrying right now places you in a cycle that appears insurmountable and perhaps adds to the depression. Don't be so hard on yourself! You have a wonderful soul and even tho' I've never met you - your amazing spirit shines through your post.

No doubt the student loan and job prospects are adding to your worries but let yourself step back for a moment. You may be having difficulty finding the perfect job at the moment but that doesn't mean it doesn't exist. Even if you have spent numerous years on your education and now have to take a job that is not what you expected - try to focus on the positive. It's not forever but temporary and will ease some of the financial burden. That will put you in a more positive frame of mind and able to tackle the more difficult issues in the near future.

Partnership is a two way street and not always 50/50 but does add up to 100. Sometimes one partner will carry 70% of the load and the other only 30% , then a shift may happen the other way and the other partner assist with more of the load. You alone don't have to carry it 100%. Your view at the moment appears to be thinking that you as a man have to provide, but please try to see that your girl being in a more positive frame of mind can take on more than you at the moment. Don't be afraid to allow her to take the reins while you climb back up from the current dark place you are in. Someday, she may need you to take on the greater load and you would do so in a heartbeat as you obviously love her. She loves you and and that is what partnership is all about - two people sharing their lives and not one going about it alone.

Lastly, When you are in a frame of mind that you are experiencing - everything is magnified and it is only later in retrospect that you are able to see this. No doubt you have a lot on your plate and life seems hard at the moment - pick a mantra to play in your head. A positive message that means something to you and repeat to yourself in low moments. Keep doing it so that you BELIEVE IT! Right now the messages getting through to you are probably negative and you are believing those ones. Listen to that one positive mantra that you have chosen and will mean something to you to replace the negative one.

Sending hugs and positive thoughts to you.
C
critter
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My girl is the best. She's being very understanding and helpful through this depression. She has been trying to encourage me to eat, which I haven't done much of. I've lost a lot of weight, so it's not *all* bad...
The worst part about depression is not being able to enjoy anything. Nothing is exciting. Nothing gets me wanting to move. I just go through the motions like a zombie.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
w_s_anderson
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Hey Critter,

Please seek a different doctor, for your own sake. Self destructive thoughts are no joke my friend. Especially if they start turning to self harm thoughts. I have lost a few friends that way. They made a permanent solution to a temporary problem. If you ever just needed someone to talk or vent to feel free to call me.

Scott
503.481.7074
Mark Boody Illusionist
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Scott is right. This is a problem that needs professional help. I said it before, it takes the RIGHT doctor to get you back on track. I have been right where you are. PM me and I can relate my experiences.

Mark
critter
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I'm having trouble getting a Doctor. I got on free state healthcare but the Doctor they assigned me was an error, as that Doctor isn't a PCP, and I'm having trouble finding anyone that takes new patients with my insurance. Things keep piling up and feeling more hopeless. Lots of people want to help me, but no one I know has the resources to. Even if I got a part time minimum wage job and they got my student loan payments to $0 over 25 years I'll still be taxed $12k when they forgive them.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Bob1Dog
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Critter, this is the first I'm reading of your difficulties. I have OCD too and I know how the ups and downs of anxieties can work on you. You definitely need to see a psychiatrist. Someone who can prescribe the proper drugs to get you out of all the "what if" scenarios that folks with OCD get themselves into ruminating about.

You live in Washington, and I have to believe you can get yourself into some kind of crisis help situation. I understand your suffering and I have my own devils. But medication and psychotherapy work wonders. You can also be directed to support groups of folks who share your problems. There are numerous ways to deal with this, but don't give up. Make phone calls seeking help; that alone will help you focus on the positive rather than the negative. Help is there. Find it. PM me if you wish further information. And keep us posted!
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
critter
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I'm going to try to go to the student health counselling center today. On top of everything else, my computer has a virus now.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
critter
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I saw a counsellor at the school today. She gave me some tasks and made me an appointment to get sleeping pills since I haven't been able to sleep at all. Unfortunately, the next appointment available wasn't until next week.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Bob1Dog
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Stay with it Critter. Hopefully the sleeping pills will help you sleep. But you might talk to her about anti anxiety meds because you seem to be experiencing that. There are lots of them out there and they block those impulses in the brain that cause you to ruminate and worry. But any progress is good. Stay on track. You CAN beat this. I know from my own OCD that you want instant results and next week isn't good enough for you. But each day will pass and you will find yourself again in the hands of a professional. Take heart in that. Keep us posted.
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
critter
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I really appreciate everyone's comments. Sorry about not saying so sooner. I put out a lot of calls for help and a lot of good people have given me emotional support and that is showing me what there is to stick around for. It's more important than I can say. Thank you.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
magicalaurie
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You're welcome, critter.
Chrystal
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You are among a great group here and glad to see your latest note a bit more uplifting. You can do it Critter!
critter
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I'm getting worse. I have an appointment with crisis management today. If things change I'll let you know. Thanks again for the support.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
landmark
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Patience.
Mary Mowder
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I see you are a juggler.

A little juggling can help me when I'm down. It is impossible to think about anything else when I am doing some challenging juggling. There is a bump in endorphins afterwards as well.

Listen to some uplifting music, things that you loved during happier times.

Ignore the news and don't watch crime solving T.V. etc…

Enjoy the signs of the season when you are out.

Best wishes for the appointment. I give you great credit for seeking help.

The best way to thank your supporters is to keep fighting the good fight. You can and will get better.

-Mary Mowder
critter
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I'm not actually the juggler, that's my beautiful life partner Smile
Things are a little better. I got some good news this morning about my program status. I am still in a depressed state and probably will be for a bit longer, but am starting to have some traces of my old self showing again. Even ate three whole times today.

The crisis counsellor gave me a plan to get a regular counsellor. I have no idea how permanent that will be, given that I don't know if I'll lose my insurance when I get a job or not, but for now it's a plan.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Bob1Dog
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Quote:
On May 22, 2014, critter wrote:
The crisis counsellor gave me a plan to get a regular counsellor. I have no idea how permanent that will be, given that I don't know if I'll lose my insurance when I get a job or not, but for now it's a plan.


Try to let go of the "what ifs" down the road critter. Think about the here and now. You have a plan. Down the road you'll find other alternatives. Put your "what ifs" in the "down the road" envelope and open it when you think you need to. Stay with your plan. Be well. Smile
What if the Hokey Pokey really IS what it's all about? Smile

My neighbor rang my doorbell at 2:30 a.m. this morning, can you believe that, 2:30 a.m.!? Lucky for him I was still up playing my drums.
critter
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Thank you.
"The fool is one who doesn't know what you have just found out."
~Will Rogers
Pakar Ilusi
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Quote:
On May 14, 2014, critter wrote:
I feel like so much dead weight. I have long been afflicted with OCD, major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety disorder, migraines, and asthma. These things all make me burdensome. I am finally finishing school and have a substantial amount of loan debt but no real job prospects. I feel like an idiot for falling for the hype that my college Dean fed me when he talked me into going into this program. He said that it would be easy to get a $70k + job out there with this degree. There aren't any. I should have looked harder. I'll be lucky if I make enough to even cover my loan payments, let alone support my family. My age doesn't help. I feel like I am failing as a man by not being able to "bring home the bacon." I can't get self-destructive thoughts out of my mind. I just can't figure out how to turn this off. Therapy never helped. Medication never helped. I'm just fundamentally broken and I can't see any way out of it.


Sorry I didn't see your post sooner, Bro...

Focus on what you have and you have a lot, really. A loving family being one of the top blessings, I'm sure...

You are an intelligent and strong person, both physically and mentally. I know you enough to say that, I feel...

Focus on doing things you love and make money there. Seriously.

All the best Bro... My heart out to you... Smile
"Dreams aren't a matter of Chance but a matter of Choice." -DC-
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