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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! » » What cadavers cannot do... (9 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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weepinwil
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Since we all are a bit cleaver, or is that clever? I thought it might be fun to list things a cadaver cannot do. I will start by saying a cadaver can't tell a joke with a straight face.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Perkins
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I was going to say "work for the DMV"... but then I thought better of it.
Godzilla
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I see this thread not lasting long... lol

But, here I go :

What does a cadaver & pizza have in common ?

They both can't scream, when put into a oven !


Also, a cadaver can't press her warm body against you !
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
Godzilla
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Maybe, a Cadaver thread should be moved downstairs into the 'Crypt' ! Smile
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
bkowkabany
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A cadaver can do anything, if it is an abra cadaver.

Sorry.

Bruce
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george1953
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A cadaver can't give you a warm hug, only the cold shoulder Smile
By failing to prepare, we are preparing to fail.
Al Desmond
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Wow...

All these quips are giving me an idea for a great routine.
bkowkabany
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[quote]On Aug 11, 2014, Godzilla wrote:
What does a cadaver & pizza have in common ?

They both can't scream, when put into a oven !


You sure?

Image


Bruce
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Mentalist by day. Bizzarist by night.
Godzilla
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OK Bruce, maybe a pizza can scream.
"If you watch Godzilla backwards, it's about a big ass lizard who helps rebuild a half burnt-down city, then moonwalks back into the ocean"
YitzhakNoDice
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As we say in the Old Country, a group of cadavers of former musicians are a bunch of dead beats.
A wise man's question contains half the answer. - Solomon ben Judah, Philosopher
weepinwil
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Cadavers can't complain about all the things they have to do.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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Quote:
On Aug 12, 2014, Al Desmond wrote:
Wow...

All these quips are giving me an idea for a great routine.


Go for it, Al!
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Louis Cypher
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Not so much a joke but love this story.

A doctor presents some medical students with a corpse. He tells them 'It is important to be comfortable with the cadaver'.
He briefly inserts his finger into the naked corpse's anus. He then licks his finger. He instructs the students to do the same. One by one they reluctantly do the same.
After they are done, the doctor says, 'It is important to watch carefully. I inserted my index finger and licked my ring finger.'
weepinwil
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Cadavers can't ask, "Does this coffin make me look fat?"
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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Quote:
On Aug 12, 2014, Louis Cypher wrote:
Not so much a joke but love this story.

A doctor presents some medical students with a corpse. He tells them 'It is important to be comfortable with the cadaver'.
He briefly inserts his finger into the naked corpse's anus. He then licks his finger. He instructs the students to do the same. One by one they reluctantly do the same.
After they are done, the doctor says, 'It is important to watch carefully. I inserted my index finger and licked my ring finger.'


I was that instructor. Wasn't a doctor but an instructor. Wasn't medical school but embalming class. Didn't know the story had traveled that far. Love playing tricks on the embalming students.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
bkowkabany
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I think that one has made the rounds. I have heard the story with a urine sample instead of a cadaver. Yours is funnier.
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Lo Pan
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I think there is an Ed Gorey style poem in here somewhere - Something starting along the lines of -

What are some things that a corpse can not do?
They cant wink - well, anyway, they'll stop after a minute or two.
They can not drive a car, try as the might they wont get far.
A corpse can no longer dance - unless you use electricity per chance. And so on.....

Here is an Gorey original:

Each night Father fills me with dread
When he sits on the foot of my bed;
I'd not mind that he speaks
In gibbers and squeaks,
But for the seventeen years he's been dead.
Merlinsmagic
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Cadavers can't get speeding tickets.......
Cadavers can't pull a rabbit out of a hat, but they are dead serious about keeping a straight face......
Cadavers can't loose a stairing contest......

& Cadavers can't complain about this thread......... Smile
Michael Baker
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Cadavers can't do the Hokey-Pokey. They put their whole self in and that's pretty much what it's all about.
~michael baker
The Magic Company
Brynmore14
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Well they are never the life of the party.
The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! » » What cadavers cannot do... (9 Likes)
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