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Dr_Bagelman
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Below is the script for our upcoming show, on the flight deck for the deployment Talent Show. NOTE: McCoppin got voted off last time, for his stand-up routine. If you read to the end, you'll see why we rip on him so bad! Smile

B=Dr. Bagelman
R=Amazing Rave (also on this forum)

- Dr. Bagelman wheels out the pallet jack and positions the double tip-over trunk.


R Good evening, I'm the Amazing Rave, and this is Dr. Bagelman, Master of Amidships.
B And Midshipmen.
R You can't say that.
B We'll just edit the tape later.
R We're live!
B Details, details.

- pause a beat

R Anyway I brought the rings, are the rest of the tricks in the chest?
B I uh…
R Well let's open it and get started.
B Uh sir?

- Rave goes to open it. Bagelman shrugs. They flip open front panel, lift outer lid, tilt chest forward, show it to be empty, close all of it up.

R Seriously? You built a chest—
B A double chest.
R You built a double chest to put our tricks in, and you didn't even load them in it?
B You said we were going to put our tricks in!
R RIGHT!
B I thought you meant we were going to put them in… when we were done.

- There is a pause as both consider their predicament.

R If you didn't bring any tricks, I'm going to go ahead and lock this up.
B Why?
R Might as well, our show's dead. It's got as much entertainment value as …
B …as McCoppin's act did?
R Too soon?
B We'll edit that one out, too.
R I can't pad out an entire act with just the rings.
B I know. Remember the impromptu tricks section in our book? (starts emptying pockets, pulling out odds and ends, clearing them for Miser's Dream, pulls out handkerchief) I have a rag. I could pull poker chips out of it while you go find some random garbage.
R Why don't you go find random garbage?

- Bagelman starts singing some old circus song and pulling imaginary poker chips out of his rag. Rave gives up and walks to the helo hangar. Bagelman starts pulling out real poker chips [Mark Wilson Miser's Dream], produces 12 from nowhere, putting each in his pockets.
- Rave comes back out with a bucket full of rope.


R I found a bucket, and a bunch of rope.
B A bucket! Great, we can fill it with Dihydrogen Monoxide!
R Dude that joke was lame when McCoppin told it.
B Still lame? We can just —
R Yeah.

- Dr. Bagelman upends the 12 poker chips from his pockets into the bucket.

B Ok, teach me this rope trick.
(Comedy Do-as-I-do three-rope trick)
R Ok so untie one end of the three ropes, then tie two together here.
B Right.
R Now undo this knot, and tie the other ones together. See, now we have one long piece of rope, made out of three tied together. Wrap it up in your hand, then get a poker chip out of the bucket.
B I don't get it.
R Well if someone had remembered the magic wand…
B Poker chip it is!!
R Tap the rope with the poker chip, drop it in the bucket, and…

- Rave unwraps his rope, it's all one length. Dr. Bagelman struggles with his own ropes, ends up untying them, and throws the three pieces on the deck.

B This sucks. We're never going to beat Boyce, and he can do the worm.
R Calm down, I have enough rings to teach you how to do this one, too.
B Cool idea, teach me how to do magic in front of a live audience. Here's what I think about you “teaching” magic. You know it takes hours of practice.

- Dr. Bagelman is tying up Rave in Kellar's wrist tie.

B Someone come up here who can tie a square knot.

-Rave gets finished being tied up, and Dr. Bagelman takes a deep breath, as if calming himself down.

R You good?
B Sorry, yeah. I'm having trouble in bed lately. (beat) Okay now teach me how to do these rings. (tossing a free ring into the air)
R you're an ass. (to spectator who tied him up) help him out, take two rings.

- Dr. Bagelman hands spectator two (linked) rings. Rave slips right arm out of ropes, reaches out and passes the rings across his body with his (temporarily) free hand, then slips it back into the ropes after speaking.

R Take these two rings and hold them like this. Don't let go.
B Hey, hey. You're supposed to be tied up.

- Rave shows arms. Tied.

R The linking rings are a classic trick, one performed all around the world. I, myself, have performed this trick for the Queen of England.

- Dr. B is dubious.

R I did! I performed it for the Queen of England. At least, that's what he told me his name was.
B Whatever. Come on, what do I do?

- (following ring routine borrowed from Arthur Atsma's youtube video)

R Demonstrate for our helper. On the count of three you'll drop one ring (Dr.B drops ring, then pulls it far away from other one, as if to show the separate ring will just fall), while holding tight onto the other one. (Dr.B gathers rings, connects secretly) if you do this correct it'll look like this: (Dr. B drops linked ring, which dangles on the key ring with a jingle)
R Ready? Big count of three: ONE, TWO, THREE!

- Spectator drops ring, of course it's connected

R All right, but you've got to do it with style, or what we call a flourish: here spin the bottom ring, strike a pose, bring that ring up to top, spin the 'other ring'… grab the top ring, pretend you're driving a car, check the ring and make sure it's solid. Are there any breaks, or holes?

- Spectator will more than likely shake head.

- Rave pulls hand out of ropes and sticks his finger into the huge hole in the center of the rings.

R Ah durrr, there's a hole right there.

- slips hands back into ropes.

R Ok we're going to link, unlink, and do the flourish. Do the flourish again, let me see it. Spin the rings, and the crowd goes wild!
- Dr. B and spectator both strike a pose with spinning rings.
(Dr. B unlinks rings, keeps close)

Now rub them together, faster! Faster! Slower sloooooooooowwwwer…. Big circles! (Dr. B pulls rings apart in large arm-circles) dance with the rings!
(Dr. B links them together) now rub them again, they'll link together (turn to spectator) oh wow, you're good! Drop the ring, give it a spin, the crowd goes wild!!!
(Dr. B unlinks rings, keeps close) now start wobbling them back and forth like this, and the rings just melt right through each other! The crowd goes ooooo, (beat) the crowd goes aahhh (beat) (Dr. B links rings) start wobbling them back and forth again (turn to spectator) you are a natural! Drop the ring, give it a spin, the crowd goes wild!

Now the hard part, grab the bottom ring, pull it up through the armpit, bring it back down, link, unlink, toss it high in the air, crash them together, grab the bottom ring, pull it up through the armpit, (to spectator) Right… (nod) g…good! bring it back down, link, unlink, toss it high in the air, crash them together, drop the bottom ring, give it a spin, the CROWD GOES WILD!

- Rave frees himself from the ropes again, directs spectator to take a bow, takes both their rings and links all together (order, top to bottom-linked rings, key, real ring), holding them up. Have spectator take a seat.

R Bagels, If you tie me up one more time in the middle of a trick—
B What, the audience loved it last time. They liked it better than McCoppin's routine.
R Stop making fun of him, he's not even here to—

McCOPPIN BUSTS THROUGH LID OF DOUBLE TIPOVER TRUNK, acting like he has no idea how he got there.

B&R AAAAAAUUUUGGGHHH!
Mc AAAAAAUUUGGGHHHHHH!

- Everyone screams at each other. Dr. B and Rave run offstage. McCoppin strikes a pose.
Before we begin any good experiment, we must remember to hydrate.
Watch my mad science videos!
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