Back in 2006 I had an prickly exchange in a thread in Inner Thoughts with another Café member. (Vince Mendoza)

It's quite usual for such exchanges to quickly, if not instantly, turn into something unpleasant here on the Café, especially it seems, in this section which is why I'm posting here rather than in Inner Thoughts. In fact it seems to be the norm for people to take umbrage or pot shots at the slightest provocation, real or imagined.

The exchanges I and Vince had were both robust and pointed but we still both managed (just) to keep our exchanges in the discussion civil... and as a way to try and cement this, or at least leave it on that footing, I suggested that if we were ever to meet face to face I'd be happy to buy us both a beer with the hope that we'd both get on despite our obvious current friction.

At the Event and Session Convention this weekend (Jan 8-10) I saw someone doing some lovely ring and rope magic. When they'd finished I went across to tell them how much I'd enjoyed watching what they'd just performed. The chap thanked me for the compliment and asked me if I'd like a drink. It was at this point that I caught his name on his Convention name badge and realised that it was the guy who I'd had the pointedly sharp exchange with back in 2006.

I told Vince that actually I would be getting the drinks as I had promised him one on a previous occasion... and then explained why and who I was.

We then had the first of quite a few beers together and over the weekend of the convention we got to hang out a fair bit. Vince turned out to be one of the most gentle and pleasant people I've ever met. He also does some great magic which he performs with a disarmingly light touch. It was great to get to hang out with him and a joy to see him doing stuff in the chill out areas.

Had our 2006 exchange got out of hand in the way that many in the mentalism sections of the Café do, I might have lost the opportunity, before I'd even met him, of the friendship of someone that I feel better for knowing,

So... I urge you to think twice about what you post and try an keep in mind that we all benefit from keeping our interactions, civil at the very least.

Dick Christian always rubbed me the wrong way on these forums. I found him to be rude, abrasive, and just generally not very pleasant. I know not everyone felt this way, but it was certainly my impression. A number of years back I spent the day with him at Alain Nu's place. He was witty, charming and just a pleasant and interesting person to be around. He was full of interesting stories and it was quite a lovely time. My live impression of him sat in stark contrast to his Café counterpart.

I'm sure many of us have similar stories but they all boil down to this: On these forums we tend to focus on our differences. Differences of opinion, differences in presentation and style, differences in points of emphasis. All of this focus on differences obscures the fact that most of us are far more alike than we are different, which is how we ended up congregating here in the first place. Sometimes it takes a face-to-face meeting for us to remember this.

Thanks for the reminder, Neal.

Best thread I've seen in a LONG time.

By a country mile.

Best,

Atlas

Excellent thread indeed.

This is such a great reminder for all us. Sometimes I find the comments of some folk most "curious" and I wonder what it would be like to talk with them face to face. I sometimes suspect not and it will s then that I feel more inclined to share more directly. To speak to someone as if their experience means nothing is almost the hallmark of this forum.

Jeff

Well isn't that a big surprise!
Seems that some of those alias names and avatars on here are real human in the end after all.
Reading some of the unrelated topic posts on here I always thought they where spambots LOL.

Indeed very good and positive thread and it even isn't christmas time

I'm the opposite. People think I'm polite and flexible on the Café when in real life I'm the most miserable SOB you ever met. ;-)

Just kidding... I've actually gotten into a few nasty arguments here but the truth is, I never take it that seriously and always remember that we're only seeing an aspect of a complete human being in these discussions. And everyone behaves differently online than they do in person. The fact that you're typing into a computer vs. talking to another human being face to face makes it much easier to be prickly and contentious.

Atlas got me a parking ticket last year, but I forgave him and love him to bits

When debating on the forums I always try my hardest to attack the argument rather than the person, attack the post, not the poster if you will. Once or twice I have strayed closer to the line than I'd like and I dare say there are some that would call me a master-debator but I find it pays to always remember that it is a real human being on the other side of the screen ... and he may be bigger than me

Mark

A master what?

I had the same kind of interaction with our old friend Parmenion here at the Café.

Watched him rudely and sometimes crudely respond to innocent queries.

Met him some years ago by way of Rasmus at MV.

Pretty cool guy.

Still a know it all - but hey he does know it all (or a lot).

He got banned here but I do miss his directness at times.

I also was rude to Ever myself when he started...

and now I want to hug his Avatar as he is one of the most helpful people on the whole green machine

Thank you Brett! I can state the same about you my friend you're one of the most knowledgeable people around here and your posts are always full of insight.

Lol - I got one TOO!!

Best,

Atlas

I do miss parmenion. We followed each other around the Café with our hit and run posts. Met him at mindvention. Nice guy. I understand him.

I wasn't expecting this topic to get any contributions and thought it would slip off into the distance without a mention.

I'm glad it has found some resonance with some of you and thanks for saying so.

People who have met me know I'm actually delightful, in stark contrast to the vitriolic outbursts I tend to have here.

Only joking.

What? About being delightful? Hahaha I am full of it!!


PS: thanks I just got my hard copy of cartomancy from amazon.