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magicsam
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Does anyone have any one-liners or jokes that they use in shows of any type: childrens, adult, stage???
Anything!!!
frankglavin
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Ireland
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"Can I show you half a magic trick?" when they say "yes", say "Is this your card...."

I know this is pretty crap but no others spring to mind!
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Mike Wild
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I'm only thinking of outs and recoveries at the moment, but here's a couple that I use...

Me (as I very noticably and visually screw up a move): "Hmmm, did you see that?"
Spectator: "No, what?"
Me: "I must be quicker than I look" OR, "That's too bad, cause it was pretty slick"

Me (as coin accidentally falls out of palm): "There it is! I was wondering where that one was."

Me (As I lose my place in a routine, or go blank altogether): "We interrupt this trick for a test of my brain. This is only a test." OR "We interupt your regularly scheduled magic trick to bring you this other magic trick that I didn't completely forget how to do..."

Mike
<><>< SunDragon Magic ><><>

"Question Reality... Create Illusion"
Joe M. Turner
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Atlanta, Georgia
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I recommend that you consider Aldo Colombini's two collections of one-liners... "Funny Stuff" and "Make 'Em Laugh."

Aldo has a line for anything and everything.

JMT
...
Regards,
Joe M. Turner
[email]jmt@turnermagic.com[/email]
www.turnermagic.com
willrob999
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The One Liner I use is when I perform gamblers remorse I say "Would you like to change your mind or are you happy with the one you have got"
avimagic
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This one's from the Amazing Johnathan:

When a volunteer is just not getting it right...

"Have you ever assisted a magician on stage before?"
(Volunteer says no)
"Well, you're not helping one now either."

Avi
MagicalArtist
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Hobart, Indiana
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I'm not a big fan of "one liners." I think, in most cases, your humor should come naturally from the effect you're doing. That said, here are a few lines that I have gathered:
---

This is a real magicians' handkerchief--the center is right here-- in the middle.

I have here two tumblers, one is empty and the other contains nothing.

I once took a mail order course in magic--only received two lessons. I do not know where all the remaining lessons went, but I did notice that the mailman was getting very tricky.

Do you like this suit? I have one for every day of the week--this is it.

This trick was invented by one of the smartest magicians' alive today--of course, I've invented others.

If you like my show, tell all your pals; if you don't, please keep your big mouth shut.

(With a pack of cards) I have here 52 articles which I am holding without any visible strain.

I am sorry to say that I've come totally unprepared for this show. I didn't know about it until six weeks ago.

If you think this is a swindle, you ought to go and see some professional wrestling.

---

OK, after all that, maybe I've also turned you against one-liners! Smile
owen.daniel
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There is a great book by David Ginn, which is full of one liners. Can't remember the name right now, but it is seriously worth a look (if using seriously, is not a just a bit ironic!).

Not all the stuff will be of use, but it is still a great collection.

Owen
edfliss
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St. Louis, MO
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I don't use this line (because I don't like embarrassing my volunteers) but if you have a more abrasive style than I do this may work for you:

Magician--Have you ever wanted to do a magic trick in front of a large audience.

Volunteer--Yes.

Magician-- Well, go ahead!

Ed
Peter Marucci
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Any gag that is just grafted onto a magic trick, routine, or act will very clearly show that it doesn't belong there or in the performer's "bag of tricks".

There are few things worse than bad comedy and almost all one-liners "guaranteed to make you the life of the party" from various books fall into that category.

The lines may have worked for the guy that wrote the book; but I can assure you, they will NOT work for you.

Humor must come from within, not from without.
comedyillusions
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Interesting comment, but comedians like Bob Hope wrote very little of their own stuff. Jay Leno delivers from a staff of writers every day.

Now this doesn't mean that you can just take any line and make it funny. Some people just don't have the natural ability, but books like David Ginn's can help you get laughs.
Be yourself. Everyone else is taken.
Peter Marucci
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Comedians like Bob Hope, Jay Leno, Jack Benny, Milton Berle, and on and on may have had joke writers (and wrote little of their own stuff), but the joke writers KNEW who they were writing for.

Unfortunately, generic humor is all generic and no humor!

The implication from the many "gag" books is that the jokes will suit everyone, from the introverted 13 year old teen to the outgoing, loud-mouthed drunk.

That's like thinking that the "magic" comes from the props and not from the performer.
dpe666
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As I NEVER perform for children, I will hardly ever get to use this, but I thought it would be funny to tell the child that the "magic words" are "There is no Santa Claus." Smile
owen.daniel
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Okay, this isn't my joke but I can't resist putting this here. It was sent as a letter to Genni Magazine in January 2002 (Mac King Cover Story), it was sent in by Doc Dixon.

"I know a friend who had the chance to meet the amazing magician Max Malini. Sadly he met him just before he died. He was very ill at the time, he had a pale face, and looked as though he was suffering from chicken pox. Later on the friend described him as being:
"An Itzy Witzy, Teeny Weeny, Yellow Polker Dot Malini!"

I think this is the best magicians joke ever...Glad I got that out of my system!
owen
Rupert Bair
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I've just won a years supply of marmite, I'm so happy with my one jar!

you know those trick candles where you blow them out and a second later they relight....they had a fire at the factory that makes them.
Matt
John C
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One liner books are ok. But acting as if it's the first time you've used the joke is better.

John Cesta
The ULTIMATE Routine Series: rebirth soon!
prettylady1990
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Hi all,
I don't have any but I must say they're are some very creative ones. Good on you all

Dannielle
owen.daniel
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John,
You say in your post that using jokes that seem as though they are original to that performance are better...For a long time I thought this way, and I think that most people here on the Magic Café will agree with this view.
I go to see a lot of stand up comedy when I can (especially at the Edinburgh Fringe)...There are different performance styles...Ross Noble a very funny and quickly rising stand up, seems as though what he says every night is completely different...His show seems so original to that audience. I have seen his show on two consecutive nights and they were almost identical! So in this example he makes it seem original but it is in fact not.
There are other Stand Ups who do completely original shows every night with only a very loose fitting script.
But there are others who have a completely scripted show, examples being Jimmy Carr...

So people can actually be exceedingly funny even though they have learnt a script that surely any one could learn...I know realise part of being funny is with the timing, and the way in which it is said. Any one who has seen Jimmy Carr on Distraction (English people), will know that his sense of humour is a lot of punch lines, and that he presents them in a rather bland manner.

All I am trying to say is that although it is commonly thought that it is far more funny to have a personal style with the audience...A scripted show is also a key to success. Having a script can be a safe guard as well. If you have a script of jokes and gags which you know always go down well, then you do not need to worry about being spontaneous...
Owen
icicular
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"Trust me, I've made dozens of dollars in this business"
A lot of fellows nowadays have a B.A., M.D., or Ph.D. Unfortunately, they don't have a J.O.B. - Fats Domino
prettylady1990
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I like your joke magic_matt, it's really funny.

Here's the ones I have gathered. They may have already been said though. I've collected them from the Café and every where else.

1-Liners for Magicians

· "Can I show you half a magic trick?" when they say "yes", say, "Is this your card...."
· When performing for a gambler-- "Would you like to change your mind or are you happy with the one you have got"
· "pick a card any card.........no, not that one!"
· When a volunteer is just not getting it right...
"Have you ever assisted a magician on stage before?"
(Volunteer says no)
"Well, you're not helping one now either."
· This is a real magicians' handkerchief--the centre is right here-- in the middle.
· I have here two tumblers, one is empty and the other contains nothing.
· Do you like this suit? I have one for every day of the week--this is it.
· This trick was invented by one of the smartest magicians' alive today--of course, I've invented others.
· If you like my show, tell all your pals; if you don't, please keep your big mouth shut.
· I am sorry to say that I've come totally unprepared for this show. I didn't know about it until six weeks ago.
· Magician--Have you ever wanted to do a magic trick in front of a large audience?
Volunteer--Yes.
Magician-- Well, go ahead!
· You know those trick candles where you blow them out and a second later they relight.... they had a fire at the factory that makes them.
· "Alakazam!"
· "Nothing up my sleeve..."
· "And...POOF!...there it is!"
· Please watch very closely as I do this trick- at no time will my fingers leave my hands
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