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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » The spooky, the mysterious...the bizarre! » » One for willy (2 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

Louis Cypher
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Willy, I could help but think of you when I read this. I'm sure it wouldn't happen in your esteemed establishment though.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/......066.html
weepinwil
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Quote:
On Jan 9, 2018, Louis Cypher wrote:
Willy, I could help but think of you when I read this. I'm sure it wouldn't happen in your esteemed establishment though.
http://www.independent.co.uk/news/world/......066.html


We are very concerned about these things because the Lazarus Syndrome, as we affectionately refer to it, is more common in these modern times than one might think. It was a situation similar to this that allowed me to acquire the establishment in the first place. Prior to owning the House of Discount Funerals and Funeral Supplies, I was just a lowly embalmer working for low wages. The previous owner had died and left the establishment to his son, who was quite a ladies man who loved the young girls. He picked up a strikingly beautiful girl who had died at home and was transporting the body when he couldn't resist making love to her body before arriving at the funeral home. She woke up in the back of the hearse with his tongue down her throat and his hands down her pants.

When he lost the business, I bought it but had a struggle because of the reputation the death emporium had. Cornelius, a carnival game worker stranded in Hayville, suggested I just tell the truth, so all of my advertisements state, "We promise not to have sex with the dead!" Once the word got around, I had more business than I could handle without expanding because few death establishments can make that promise, and a broken promise will kill a business faster than anything. If you check with your local funeral homes, you will see I am right and they do not make this promise in writing. (You may want to ask them about it before you use them). All of my embalmers sign an embalming report stating they did not have sex with the dead.

I am so honored that you thought about me. Thank you for sharing.

Weepin' Willie
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
Louis Cypher
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"The Forensic Anatomical Institute of Oviedo only realised the prison doctors' mistake when the 29-year-old was heard snoring on the autopsy table".
Philemon Vanderbeck
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To be fair, the previous owner technically didn't have sex with the dead either.
Professor Philemon Vanderbeck
That Creepy Magician
"I use my sixth sense to create the illusion of possessing the other five."
SacredChao
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This will be one Hell of a story to tell his cellmates.

Honestly though, I think he should probably get a pass on the rest of his sentence just because of this incident. Hell, he won't even have to turn to crime. The book and talk show circuit alone should be enough to keep him and his family.
weepinwil
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Quote:
On Jan 10, 2018, Philemon Vanderbeck wrote:
To be fair, the previous owner technically didn't have sex with the dead either.


It is just a technicality, actually, if you check, it isn't against the law in most states to have sex with the dead. The intent he showed was enough to lose the business.
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
weepinwil
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Quote:
On Jan 10, 2018, SacredChao wrote:
This will be one Hell of a story to tell his cellmates.

Honestly though, I think he should probably get a pass on the rest of his sentence just because of this incident. Hell, he won't even have to turn to crime. The book and talk show circuit alone should be enough to keep him and his family.


Dead girls are more fun.....
"Til Death us do part!" - Weepin Willie
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