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RangeCowboy
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You may remember a few months back a report of one of our illustrious brotherhood who had a bad day with a lot of flash-powder. - I hope he has recovered somewhat by now.

Each year a friend sends me the yearly Darwin Awards so may I share them (true stories) with you.... remember, the swords, guillotines and other bizarre stuff we handle can hurt so unless you want to be a candidate for the 2003 awards, be careful out there!


THE DARWIN AWARDS 2002 - ALL 100% TRUE STORIES

Yes, the ones we've all been waiting for: The Darwin Awards 2002.
The candidates have finally been released! For those not familiar
with the Darwin Award, it's an annual honor given to the person who
provided the universal human gene pool the biggest service by
getting KILLED in the most extraordinarily stupid way. As always,
competition this year has been very keen again. Some candidates appear to
have trained their whole lives for this event!

DARWIN AWARD CANDIDATES:

1. In September 2001, in Detroit, a 41-year-old man got stuck and
drowned in two feet of water after squeezing head first through an
18-inch-wide sewer grate to retrieve his car keys.

2. In October, a 49-year-old San Francisco stockbroker, who "totally
zoned when he ran," accidentally jogged off a 100-foot-high cliff on his
daily run.

3. Buxton, NC: A man died on a beach when an 8-foot-deep hole he had
dug into the sand caved in as he sat inside it. Beach goers said Daniel
Jones, 21, dug the hole for fun, or protection from the wind, and had been
sitting in a beach chair at the bottom Thursday afternoon when it collapsed
burying him beneath five feet of sand. People on the beach, on the outer
banks, used their hands and shovels, trying to claw their way to Jones, a resident
of Woodbridge, VA, but could not reach him. It took rescue workers using
heavy equipment almost an hour to free him while about 200 people looked on.
Jones was pronounced dead at a hospital.

4. In February, Santiago Alvarado, 24, was killed in Lompoc, CA, as
he fell face-first through the ceiling of bicycle shop he was burglarizing.
Death was caused when the long flashlight he had placed in his mouth
(to keep his hands free) rammed into the base of his skull as he hit
the floor.

5. According to police in Dahlonega, GA, Army ROTC cadet Nick
Berrena, 20, was stabbed to death in January by fellow cadet Jeffrey
Hoffman, 23, who was trying to prove that a knife could not penetrate the flak vest
Berrena was wearing.

6. Sylvester Briddell, Jr, 26, was killed in February in Selbyville,
Del, as he won a bet with friends who said he would not put a
revolver loaded with four bullets into his mouth and pull the trigger. He
did and it did.

7. In February, according to police in Windsor, Ontario, Daniel Kolta,
27, and Randy Taylor, 33, died in a head-on collision, thus earning a tie
in the game of chicken they were playing with their snowmobiles.

DARWIN AWARD HONORABLE MENTIONS

1. In Guthrie, Okla, in October, Jason Heck tried to kill a
millipede with a shot from his 22 caliber rifle, but the bullet ricocheted
off a rock near the hole and hit pal Antonio Martinez in the head, fracturing his skull.

2. In Elyria, Ohio, in October, Martyn Eskins, attempting to clean
out cobwebs in his basement, declined to use a broom in favor of a
propane torch and caused a fire that destroyed the first and second floors
of his house.

3. Paul Stiller, 47, was hospitalized in Andover Township, NJ, and
his wife Bonnie was also injured, when a quarter-stick of dynamite blew up
in their car. While driving around at 2 a.m., the bored couple lit the
dynamite and tried to toss it out the window to see what would happen, but
apparently failed to notice the window was closed.

RUNNER UP:

TACOMA, WA - Kerry Bingham, had been drinking with several friends
when one of them said they knew a person who had bungee-jumped from the
Tacoma Narrows Bridge in the middle of traffic. The conversation
grew more heated and at least ten men trooped along the walkway of the
bridge at 4:30 am.
Upon arrival at the midpoint of the bridge they discovered that no
one had brought a bungee rope. Bingham, who had continued drinking,
volunteered and pointed out that a coil of lineman's cable lay nearby.

One end of the cable was secured around Bingham's leg and the other end was tied to
the bridge His fall lasted 40 feet before the cable tightened and tore his
foot off at the ankle. He miraculously survived his fall into the icy river
water and was rescued by two nearby fishermen. "All I can say," said
Bingham, "is that God was watching out for me on that night. There's just
no other explanation for it." Bingham's foot was never located.

AND THE WINNER:

PADERBORN, GERMANY - Overzealous zookeeper Friedrich Riesfeldt fed
his constipated elephant, Stefan, 22 doses of animal laxative and more
than a bushel of berries, figs and prunes before the plugged up pachyderm
finally let fly and suffocated the keeper under 200 pounds of poop!
Investigators say ill-fated Friedrich, 46, was attempting to give the ailing
elephant an olive oil enema when the relieved beast unloaded on him. "The sheer force
of the elephant's unexpected defecation knocked Mr. Riesfeldt to the
ground, where he struck his head on a rock and lay unconscious as the
elephant continued to evacuate his bowels on top of him," said flabbergasted
Paderborn police detective Erik Dern. "With no one there to help him,
he lay under all that dung for at least an hour before a watchman
came along, and during that time he suffocated. It seems to be just
one of those freak accidents that happen."
Joshua Quinn
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You've gotta feel for the zookeeper. Sure, it wasn't the brightest thing to do, but his demise owed at least as much to extraordinarily bad luck as to outright stupidity.

Here's a related story. A friend of mine climbed Mount St. Helen a few months ago. Some other friends of his told him that if he made it all the way up, they wanted a photo of him standing on the lip of the crater and, well, mooning it. (For those unfamiliar with U.S. slang, to "moon" something is to stick out one's exposed buttocks at it. Now that I think about it, the fact that we've invented a word specifically for that might say something less than glowingly positive about our culture, but that's another matter...) So he reached the lip of the crater, dropped his pants, and struck the pose while his climbing partner readied the camera... when a huge gust of wind came up and nearly blew him backward into the crater. Only by pitching himself forward to the ground did he avoid toppling to certain death, and subsequently having his body recovered from the bottom of the Mount St. Helen crater with his pants 'round his ankles -- a Darwin-worthy exit if ever there was one.

Quinn
Every problem contains the seeds of its own solution. Unfortunately every problem also contains the seeds of an infinite number of non-solutions, so that first part really isn't super helpful.
Bird Brain
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Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile Smile

I've GOTTA tell my Dad! He's gonna like that as much as I did!

5150,
Bird Brain
Yes I know my enemies
They're the teachers who taught me to fight me
Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission
Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite
All of which are American Dreams, All of which are American Dreams
BroDavid
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All of which goes to prove my theory that the problem with most people, is not that they think wrongly. It is THAT THEY JUST DONT THINK! Smile Smile Smile

BroDavid
If you stand for nothing, you will fall for anything.
Missy_Magic
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My only question is:

How can someone ACCIDENTALLY jog off a cliff?

Gees,the lengths some people will go to to get an award! I dunno!!

---->Wynsome
--->Email me<---
wynsome@fce.com.au
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