Do you remember the good old days when dad would go shoot a turkey, mom would bake sweet potato pies, and everyone hurried dinner so they could go to the local football game? I remember those days and they were fun; but alas, those days are gone forever, replaced by store bought birds and catered fixings. I doubt kids even dress as pilgrims and play the Mayflower games at school anymore. Well, this year I was going to revive some of those old joys and shoot my own turkey. I dusted off the old 12-gauge shotgun, bought a box of fresh ammo and off I went. It took a while to find just the right bird but finally I had him in my sights. I took aim and BANG! My God was it loud. Almost burst my ear drums. The woman to my right passed right out and the old gentleman to my eft soaked his pants and the floor, all the time shouting Jesus, Jesus, Jesus! The frozen foods manager came running out all upset and threatened to call the police. Not only had I peppered the frozen turkey with buckshot, but they bounced off like marbles all over the place. Since there is no law against shooting a frozen turkey or open carry of a shotgun, the manager just made me pay for the turkey and forbid me to ever return to his store. As I was leaving, the EMT's were carting off the woman and the man was at checkout with a bundle of Depends. Stopped by to pick you some cranberry sauce and my picture is on the door with a circle and slash through it. Guess I'll have to shop somewhere else.

It wasn't all I had hoped for but was a bit more fun than last year. Grandma had just passed away the year before and we could not imagine a holiday without her, so we just put her in the garage freezer among the shrimp and flounder. We took her out just before the Thanksgiving meal and propped her in her favorite chair at the head of the table. She looked so good with the frost highlighting the silver strands of hair remaining on her head. We fixed her a plate and imagined she was eating and talking with us, and it was a great until it came time to say our goodbyes for the year. The goal was to return granny to the freezer before she began to thaw, and we could tell she was beginning to sweat a little. We all said what we were thankful for and then one of the grandkids kissed granny on the cheek. Her lips immediately got frost bit and as she pulled away a bit of skin came loose from granny's cheek. The hospital wanted to know why this kid had frostbite on her lips in 75-degree temperature and when the nurse was told, she reported us and they came and took granny away, spoiling another holiday tradition for years to come.

Anyway, I hope all of you have a great Thanksgiving Holiday and take time to remember the things you are thankful for this year.

Thanks for the awesome chuckles!
Happy Pilgrims, Indiginous peoples and Thurkey Day of thanks!!