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Chuck Lyons
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Channahon, IL
264 Posts

Profile of Chuck Lyons
Guys I have just gotten my Vulture from Axtell and hes great. I am trying to come up with an idea for halloween. I am just drawing a blank. I perform as a clown and will be using the bird arm. Just need some ideas to get these juices flowing. Thanks guys and gals.
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The Pine Tree State, USA
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Profile of Avrakdavra
What's your vulture's name?
Doug Higley
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Here and There
7165 Posts

Profile of Doug Higley
Hi Chuck...

I just wrote this up for you (I was in the mood)...point is you needen't get hung up on the character being a certain need to do dead animal jokes...well sort of Vulture is after all a Carry-on...oooh.

-----------A Vulture Routine by Doug--------------------

Being a puppeteer is a very special skill you know...

V: Oh it is is it..."

It's all in the arm...

V: No...I'm on the do you hold it up like that?

Never mind...well here we are...

V: we what?

I havent't the slightest idea...I'm sure they came to see you!

V: Oh they did huh...who the heck are they anyway?

Never mind, I'm sure they are nice folks...

V: Oh I don't know about that...they look dangerous to me...what's that kid starin at? I get nervous you's pretty close to thanksgiving you know...

Stop it...I'll bet all these folks are interested in Vultures...

V: Oh yeah? Well I'll go catch one (trys to leave)

Whoa...come back are a Vulture!

V: I am? Is that like a Turkey?

Well...sort of...

V: Cause it's pretty close to thanksgivin' ya know!!!

Never mind that...a Vulture is a bird

V: IT IS!!!!!!!

Of course it is...

V: Is that like bein Italian? Cause I sure like Lasagna...with anchovies...

That makes sence...birds eat fish and anchovies are fish...

V: Say...about them anchovies...


V: I'll go get one...(pulls away)

NO you have to stay here

V: Get me an anchovie then...

NO...just hang on a

Well there's one around here somewhere...something stinks I'll tell ya that! (looks at vent)

Don't look at me! Vultures are amazing creatures you know..

V: They are huh?

Yes...they can fly for miles and miles for days on end in search of food.

V: Why don't they just go to the store?

How DID you get so ignorant!

V: wasn't easy...I think on that last line though I had a little help...

Maybe I should just stop talking to you...

V: Well...that's one way to get your lips to stop moving...

Your lucky you don't have have a BEAK instead.

V: Oh yeah! A good size one too!

Yes it is.

V: Something wrong with this one though...

Oh really?


Now cut that out! Birds like the Vulture can fly for thousands of miles just to find a nesting site...soaring over the deserts...over the lakes and seas...skimming the waves...up and down...over cresting waves day and night...through calm and wind...rain and fog...up and down...say what's the matter with you?

V: I'm gettin sea sick! HOLD THE ANCHOVIES!!

That's enough...lets change the subject...have you ever been to the zoo?

V: Well I lived on a farm once...does that count?

You lived on a farm did you?

V: Oh yeah...and on the farm there was a zoo.

On the farm there was a zoo?

V: ee eye eee eye oh...ok was just a little zoo...oh...but it was sad you know...

What happened?

They had to close the zoo.

No visitors?

V: Oh plenty of visitors awright...but the worm died.

The worm died?

V: Well you can't have a zoo with no animals now can ya?

Your telling me the zoo only had a worm? ONE worm?

V: Country folks are easily entertained...besides the farmer told 'em it was a SNAKE.

Why didn't he just go get another one?

He was afraid of snakes!

(exasperated) Why didn't he go and just get another worm??

V: Well he was a late sleeper and another farmer got up earlier than he did and opened his own know the old saying...

The early bird gets the worm?

V: NO! If your afraid of snakes...stay in bed!

What ARE you looking at?

"That kid in the front row..."

Which one?

"That one"

Which One?

"That one...the one that looks like a
cheese burger..."

There isn't a single child in the front row that looks like a cheese burger...why did you say that?

V: Cause you won't let me mention anchovies...

etc. etc.
Have fun my friend. There's some original stuff there that might get those juices flowing.

Doug Higley
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
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Inner circle
SW Ohio, USA
1555 Posts

Profile of Dr_Stephen_Midnight
I've thought over vulture gags for the character; mostly dark humor.

I sometimes cough lightly after a few lines (mild seasonal asthma) and I had this line in mind after a couple such coughs.

Vulture: "Cough sounds bad. Y'gonna die soon? I ain't had lunch yet. Heh-heh-heh!"

Dr. Lao: "Do you know what wisdom is?"
Mike: "No."
Dr. Lao: "Wise answer."
Chuck Lyons
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Channahon, IL
264 Posts

Profile of Chuck Lyons
Thank you all. First his name is going to be Rig A. Mortis. Doug how can I thank you, You know I am going to have to name my show after you . You now have helped to create the opening the middle and the end . Thank you all!!!! I have said it before that this site is fantastic because of all of you. Thank you.

Click here to view attached image.
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Steve Axtell
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Here's one just for YOU Chuck!

Two vultures were in the desert eating a dead clown. The first vulture asks the second vulture: "Does this taste funny to you?"

There are some more ideas at our VULTURE idea page. Actually every puppet on the site has a secret idea page. Click on the pictures of the puppets and you'll go right to them.

Axtell Expressions, Inc.
Pro Puppets, Magic & Animatronics
BIlly James
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Wow Doug!
What a contribution! That is a great script, I can't remember the last time I laughed out loud at reading a vent script.
Mmmmm, maybe I should suggest some of my characters to you in case you get another spare moment or 10 Smile

Doug Higley
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Here and There
7165 Posts

Profile of Doug Higley
Thanks Billy...I attempt at being useful Smile (when I'm in the mood that is)...lacking the confidence to actually perform as a true vent, I like to let it out and write silly things for others to do.
If I had my way, I'd hide behind a wall and just let two of Axtells wonderful puppets go at it with out me.

I once did a puppet show back in the early 70's (1972?) where I built a lifesize tree trunk (foam)...I was inside the tree...I had one 6 ft. bird I had created (foam) leaning against the tree and one little bird (foam), sitting on a branch with his legs dangling (ala the arm illusion idea). I moved the tree's mouth with my knee...the track was recorded and the birds had a ball with me being out of went over very well at a show in a big arena in Anchorage but then since I had accomplished it, I moved on, realizing that the fun was in the writing, recording the voices and designing the conceptuals etc....I really didn't want to be in that darn tree getting my arms tired...

I have great respect for the guys/gals who do real vent...but my hero in the game is Bergan...he was a lousy technician (like me) but his material was so strong nobody gave a hoot...he didn't need all the tricks of drinking water and 'look at me...I can do this!'...he just knocked 'em out with good byplay and terrific lines for strong characters.
This is where puppeteers today are so fortunate to have Axtell provide the strong on first look they speak with their visual impression before you even have to attempt a joke. This was one of the secrets for Bergan...when Mortimer appeared, Bergan didn't even NEED good lines...the laffs started without them! But he did have good lines and it didn't mater a wit that BOTH mouths/lips moved when he delivered them.

Class dismissed.
Glad you liked it Billy...
Higley's Giant Flea Pocket Zibit
Chuck Lyons
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Channahon, IL
264 Posts

Profile of Chuck Lyons
Doug I knew I liked you the first time we chated via e mail Now I know why. We have a lot in common in the way we think. I am always looking for new ways to entertain and I am uniuge for a clown, vent, magician. I love those bits that leave people saying I don't believe he just did that. Thanks again for all your help. I hope that I can contribute a percentage of the fantastic advise you do.
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The Pine Tree State, USA
224 Posts

Profile of Avrakdavra
Well, I've never written a vent script before, but I gave it a shot--here's the first draft/outline:

Great Vulture of De-Nile

Chuck: Hello, everyone, my name is Chuck, and this is my buddy, Rig. As you can see…

Rig: (interrupting) hummmm!

Chuck: My friend Rig here is…

Rig: (interrupting) hummmm!

Chuck: Rig, what ARE you doing?

Rig: I’m humming.

Chuck: Why are you humming?

Rig: (duh!) Because I’m a hummingbird.

Chuck: A hummingbird???

Rig: Yes, Chuck, I am an enchanting little hummingbird flitting gracefully all day from flower to flower, sipping sweet nectar.

Chuck: You’re not a hummingbird, Rig. You’re a vulture.

Rig: Hmmmmm!

Chuck: Now, You are just going to have to face the truth about this. Your father was a vulture, your mother was a vulture, and you are…

Rig: (hopefully) Adopted???

Chuck: No, Rig. You are a vulture too.

Rig: Really?

Chuck: Of course.

Rig: Oh. Ok. (beat) …Maybe I’m a golden eagle with a hormone problem!

Chuck: Stop that, Rig, stop it. You’re a vulture. I’ll prove it to you.

Rig: Cock-a-doodle-doo! (Chuck gives him a look)

Chuck: Do you circle around waiting to feed?

Rig: Yep.

Chuck: Do you depend on other creatures’ tragedies to survive?

Rig: Yep.

Chuck: Do people fear and despise you?

Rig: Yep.

Chuck: So, you are a…

Rig: Personal injury lawyer?

Chuck: Rig!

Rig: Maybe one day I will be a swan. You know, like in that story…

Chuck: It’s not going to happen, Rig.

Rig: I’ll study hard!

Chuck: Nope.

Rig: I’ll get a personal trainer!

Chuck: Sorry.

Rig: I’ll go into therapy!

Chuck: Rig! You are a vulture. Sarcoramphus papa. Carrion eater. Bone-picker. This is your role in the great scheme of things.

Rig: You know, Chuck, thank you, you’re absolutely right. (pause) Don’t you think that, in the right light, I might be taken for a Great Blue Heron?

Chuck: If you’re a Great Blue Heron, I’m Julie Andrews.

Rig: Oh! Loved you in the Sound of Music…

(Chuck, in frustration, closes his eyes and lowers his head)

Rig: (upset) Hey, Chuck, please, don’t just stand there like that.

Chuck: Sorry, didn’t mean to make you angry, buddy.

Rig: You’re not making me angry. You’re making me hungry!

Chuck: Well, we’d better getter something to eat then. How about some fast food?

Rig: Ok, let’s go the that place with the golden arches.

Chuck: Oh, you like the burgers?

Rig: No, but that clown must be getting pretty old by now.

Chuck: That’s enough, Rig. Thanks everyone!

Rig: Quack! Quack! Quack!

Bruce Freedberg
Chuck Lyons
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Channahon, IL
264 Posts

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LOL thanks bruce another great idea you guy have really started these old jucies flowing. Thank you again for all your help and coments.
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Nashua, NH
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Profile of olivertwist
My compliments to Doug and Bruce. Great routines Guys!

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The Pine Tree State, USA
224 Posts

Profile of Avrakdavra
Thanks. My wife walked by as I was working on it and asked, "Why are you talking to your hand?"
I replied, "It's not my hand, it's a vulture."
"Oh, that's good," she said, "I thought you had gone off the deep end for a moment."
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