In rememberance of W.C. Fields I would suggest:
The Little... @#$%$@ (*..
(Don't worry, I love children, but I am realistic)

This is not meant as a flame, but if that is really how you see children, you should re-consider whether you want to do magic for them at all.

I agree Neale.

I have a child that means everything to me. I know that other parents feel the same way about their children, or at least they should. Remember, those kids belong to someone and they are very, very preciuos. I love being around kids. In fact, I guess that I am somewhat of a kid myself. I know that they can get to your nerves sometimes, but can you imagine what the world would be like without them?

Regan

Pls. read again what I wrote..,
You didn't get the point..and maybe you don't like the humour of W.C. Fields or mine..
Just read again what I wrote..

I thought it was rather humorous...but I can see how people would be offended.

Werner G. Seitz,

I only needed to read it once. It wasn't very funny to me. OK, I'll read it again. Nope...I'm still not laughing. I can see where that line could be funny when used in the right situation. Maybe if I heard you or W.C. say it I would think differently. I'm sorry, but when reading it I don't think the line itself is funny at all. If you meant it as a joke, no problem. I didn't mean to come down on you too hard. We all say things as jokes or otherwise that we don't really mean sometimes.

Regan

W.C. Fields' humour is an aquired one. Many people don't have it...but I love Fields.

HI,
Come on guys it was clearly a joke, I love my bunnies but I still make jokes about it.. like if someone says "is the bunny going home with you" I reply "yes or I will be having just potatoes and veg for tea"
Phillip

So that's how you get s w e a r words on the forum!

I hate to say it but words like that are hardly considered swearing anymore. I've heard worse used by kids and on TV shows that kids watch.

That, my friend, is a sad commentary on the state of the world we live in now days.

Not really...

It's a reality of the changing nature of language and how words meanings, emotions and acceptability change over time.

The word in question, which has been changed, originally just meant illegimate children, then it became an insult for people of poor breeding. More recently, it became a strong term of abuse.

these days, its power has lessened through use...much like the *$%&@#, #@@**^* and !@#%&^**&#&#& $&$&%& &$&&%.

:)

This was clearly a joke, it's a shame some people on the Café can't always see such things and take the written word far too literally.

Like every other parent I love my kids, but it doesn't stop me joking with the other parents at the school gates about the little horrors. It's a god given right of every parent to jokingly moan about our kids, some jokes and moans, especially during the school holidays, only a parent who's been there and got the t shirt fully understand and the humour is the way of coping with the stress's of having 2-3 kids around you demanding attention 24/7.

Nick and Scott are both right about swearing,
1, many words have become so much the norm, that some people don't even see them as swearing anymore.

2, some words in the english language have taken on totally diffent meanings from the original. IE, the word gay, used to mean happy. (yes I know gay isn't a swear word, I'm just useing it as an example as if I used another word it would get blanked out)

3, Some people (usually in the rougher/poorer areas)do not consider swearing bad, and swear openly in front of everyone even kids. these kids then get really confused when they start school and can't understand what they've done wrong when they get told off for swearing.

4, it is a very sad reflection on todays society.

What about when someone says "If such and such had of been my first kid, she/he would have been my last?"

I am guilty of this I know said jokingly. My oldest 3rd grade teacher has also said this of her children.

Kill him ??

When I'm chatting to other parents and they mention that their kids played up really bad in town etc I've often given the jokey advice that they should put the kids in the freezer for a few hours before they go out, it makes them more managable. it works for me

nevous breakdowns are hereditory, you get them from your kids.

<<<I know that they can get to your nerves sometimes, but can you imagine what the world would be like without them?>>>

Apart from I'd be out of a job several things spring to mind;
Quiet sunday layins, money in my wallet instead of photo's,
my phone bill cut in half,
being able to actually find the cordless house phone on it's stowage and not search their bedrooms for it.
lower milage on my car as taxi service no longer required. etc etc etc.
going more than 10 minutes witout hearing the words, I WANT, OR CAN I HAVE, DAD SHE'S BEEN IN MY ROOM AND TAKEN MY CD/MAKEUP/CLOTHES/SWEETS ETC ETC ETC.

The list goes on and on, would I want it that way? no, because that's what being a parent is all about.

Children a like farts , you only like your own!

He he he brilliant, I hadn't heard that one.

The word "Darlings" in this Forum is quite obviously used tongue in cheek. We all feel that way at times about probably our own and other people's kids, but you know, I think an essential ingredient of being a Children's Entertainer is a fundamental liking of children and enjoying (for limited time spans) being in the company of children. Yes, I fit this category.