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The Magic Cafe Forum Index » » We double dare you! » » Theater of the Absurd ( a routine) (0 Likes) Printer Friendly Version

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(PREFACE: After checking with a staff member to make sure I could post this routine in this section I was told it was more Insane Theater [Which I fully agree with] but could be good for a laugh. This little ditty came from an all night writing session that I do on a bi-monthly basis. I gather some magic stuff I’ve never used and add into the mix junk from around the house and try to come up with a routine for it all before the sun comes up.

The session that produce this comedy routine I’ll never forget. Rather than buying her normal generic, weak coffee, my wife bought Triple Espresso [I didn’t know what it was then but I know what it is now] this routine is the end result of drinking 2 pots of Triple Espresso in an hour and a half. [Other than TORA’s, I have not had coffee in the three years following] I hope you enjoy.)

(In grifter or Carney fashion)
Ladies and gents, it is my pleasure to introduce the inane, insane but never mundane squeaky sisters. (Placing on the table 2 mid-sized doll heads, 1 blonde, 1 red head and a mannequin head) Lemme introduce you to our charming ladies. First we have Blondie, with such hits as “Call me,” to her credits she has aged incredibly well, it must be her plastic molding surgery; next we have the worlds most famous red head, star of radio, TV and film, Lucille Doll. Last but not least is my assistant for the evening “Brett” the mannequin head. She is the perfect woman, never talks back and never walks away during an argument.

I would like to teach you an old magician/grifter trick known as the three shell game. It is very simple ladies and gentleman one of my heads squeaks, is it Blondie? (Pick her up and squeeze) No she does not. How about Lucille Doll (pick the red head up and squeeze) Not a peep, comes from her head. Now “Brett” (squeeze head and hear a squeeking noise) this is the one to put your money on.

In the three shell game a spectator puts down money on being able to find a pea hidden under one of three walnut shells the shell are then moved around on the table and you the hawk-eyed audience must choose which shell the pea is under, in this case, however, we are substituting the pea for a squeaky head and since I could not find a squirrel willing to give me nut shells of this size I’ve added two other heads to confuse you, I hope. OK round and round they go where they stop everyone knows. (move the heads around on the table). Miss, can I ask that you point out the head that squeaks? (lady points to “Brett,” I pick her up and squeeze, no squeak) OH, I’m sorry it seems that you had quite the “dollemma” picking out the right one. It was Lucille Doll that squeaked, (pick up red head and squeeze, the head squeaks). Tell you what I’ll remove “Brett” to make it easier on you (vanish Brett’s head using apparatus).

Ladies and Gents we had three heads removed one leaving us with, lets see 3 minus1 carry the six, dollvide by 9, leaving us with 2 heads. The squeaking Lucille Doll and the silent Blondie. Round and round they go where the stop…. Aw, who cares. OK sir, please point to the squeaking head (he points to red head. I pick it up, squeeze, no squeak) I’m sorry, you picked the wrong head (vanish red head via apparatus). Blondie is the one that squeaks (pick up blonde, squeeze, no squeak) Wait a minute, the blond was supposed to squeak (try again, nothing. I scratch my head and a squeak is heard, confused look at the audience, touch my head again, squeak). Double or nothing audience I’ll shuffle and if you can pick out the squeak you win double your money.

Round and round the heads go (pick up Blondie and we spin in a circle) where we stop only, well you get the point. So which head squeaks (by this point I can no longer get the audience to respond which is what I want.) What’s that you say? My head squeaks? (Touch my head, no squeak, squeeze Blondie, squeak. Audible gulp to audience.) Bye. (Vanish my head via Jair Bonair “Head Vanisher,” grope around table for Blondie, pick her up and set her on top of vanisher, as if it was my head. One more squeeze and she does not squeak. I touch the vanisher and a squeak is heard. I sigh with relief and reappear my head.) Finish.
A direct from text adaptation : The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Starring Mickey Rooney in his final role.
Tom Cutts
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I love the title. Smile

The perfect thing to spring on a late night convention crowd bored to tears with pasteboard gyrations.

I can't believe you drank that much triple espresso! Smile ...and your head didn't explode.

Can you elaborate on the manequin head? You explained the other two in a bit of detail but none about the other.


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Hi Tom,
Many beauty salon schools have practice heads with, I think, actual human hair for styling and cutting practice. "Brett" is one of them, she stands about one foot tall and looks like the head of a department store manequin head.

The actual name on mine is Suzie - Kin by Marianna and the number K-600.

There was one such school that went out of business (I don't know why, I thought Cosmotology was popular) in my home town. My parents (The Happyness Clowns) bought a bunch of heads to store their clown wigs on.

I grabbed the only one that did not look like it had been attacked by a four year old with scissors. Her hair was done by some girls that I went to college with and now my wife has taken it upon herself to make "Brett's" hair as trendy as possible. "Brett" has been my "assistant" ever since.

Hope this helps. If not I can send a grainy old web cam photo.

You want to see a man on the edge of a slow and agonizing death, you should have seen me when I came down off that coffee high. I thought for sure life was going to end. Smile
A direct from text adaptation : The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Starring Mickey Rooney in his final role.
The Great Zambini
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Wow! I applaud your creativity. Good stuff.
And I thought my wife's coffee was strong!
I call her's coffee from hell. It will remove paint.
How long do you sleep once you finally come down?
...Simply Amazing!
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Thank you The Great Zambini, if you wanna use it be my guest, there needs to be more messed up routines out there (in my opinion). How long I slept is the only thing I do not remember from that night! I'm sure it was good and long.

Take care
A direct from text adaptation : The Strange Case Of Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde Starring Mickey Rooney in his final role.
Peter Marucci
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Brilliant routine! I absolutely love it.
That's the kind of "outside the box" creative thinking that is far, far too rare in magic today.
cheers (and congratulations!)
Peter Marucci
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