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dan84 Loyal user 251 Posts |
2 fish in a tank, one turns to the other and says "do you know how to drive this thing?"
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dan84 Loyal user 251 Posts |
Did you here about the irish woodworm........... They found him in a brick
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dan84 Loyal user 251 Posts |
Whats the definition of balance?
A pregnant hunchback |
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Jaxon Inner circle Kalamazoo, Mi. 2537 Posts |
I sometimes open my show with this joke. I usually say it after my first applaud.
"Thank you... I am a deaf magician so please applaud loudly. On the other hand if you don't like anything I do go ahead and boo. I can't hear you anyway. Speaking of that. We deaf people don't applaud like most people do because we can't hear the clapping. We applaud like this" (wiggling fingers) "One day I walked into a bar and everyone in the place stood up and started applauding like this. It was great. I have to admit I was feeling a little big headed at all these people applauding to me. Then a guy next to me bumped me with his elbow and said... Put your hands up you idiot. We're being robbed!" Ron Jaxon |
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jskalon Special user Shorewood, IL. 869 Posts |
A red head, a brunette, and a blonde walk into a bar.
The bartender to the Red: what will you have Red Head: "A BL" Bartender: What's A BL Red Head: DUH.. A Bud Lite Bartender to Brunette: what will you have Brunette: A ML Bartender: What's A ML Brunette: DUH.. A Miller Lite Bartender to Blonde: what will you have Blonde: a 15 Bartender: What's a 15? Blonde: DUH> A Seven Seven
Jack Skalon
"That's my story and I'm stickin' to it" |
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ed rhodes Inner circle Rhode Island 2885 Posts |
A kangaroo walks into a bar and orders a Tom Collins. He pays for the drink with a $20 bill. The bartender starts to make change and thinks; "What does a kangaroo know about money?" So he gives him back five $1 bills. The kangaroo puts the money away and drinks his drink without comment.
He starts to make conversation with the kangaroo. "Y'know, we don't get many kangaroos here." To which the kangaroo replies; "At $15 a drink, you're not going to get this one anymore either!"
"...and if you're too afraid of goin' astray, you won't go anywhere." - Granny Weatherwax
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Jordini Inner circle 2765 Posts |
Yesterday, scientists in the United States revealed that beer contains small traces of female hormones.
To prove their theory, they fed one hundred men twelve pints of beer and observed that 100% of them started talking nonsense and couldn't drive. (To the ladies of the Café, I apologize...) |
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